


Warm

by cact_us297



Category: Narcos (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Peña has feelings, Pining, Steve after Carrillo threw these guys from helicopter, but doesn't want to show it, spoilers s02e03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-14 03:55:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15380118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cact_us297/pseuds/cact_us297
Summary: The end of s02e03. Murphy has a breakdown after action with Carrillo and Javi wants to help, but is afraid to show his feelings.





	Warm

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I must say, watching Narcos (late but still) was a great choice and, of course, after few episodes i've fallen for Murphy/Pena relationship. Imagine my dissapointment when i found out that Steve is absent in season 3- in my opinion the whole series lost something important by not continuing their dynamics.  
> That's my first fanfiction ever- an effect of drought as this ship is really underrated. I hope it won't be the worst thing you've read. As it's my first work and English is not my first language, please, point out my mistakes, so i could improve my writing, grammar and vocalbulary :)

'You have to go.'

'Let’s talk tomorrow. Okay?'

'Okay. Yeah, I like that… Goodnight.'

Javier was standing in the doorway unsure if he should walk in. The weakness and obvious tears he heard in Steve’s voice as he talked with his wife made his throat squeeze. He knew Carrillo’s actions will do the same harm to American as they did to him, however he couldn’t stop stubborn _gringo_ from getting on that helicopter few hours earlier. Steve didn’t say what happened there, but Javier knew as soon as the blond came back to the office and poured himself some whiskey, that colonel must have made a nice demonstration of violence. Not that they weren’t used to it. It’s just that no one on the 'good side' was so cruel in this cold, sometimes even psychopathic way as Carrillo. Steve can say he’s tough and callous, and he is, but to a certain degree. At some point he had to break and show his emotions. That was today, the moment Javier feared the most.

He wished he could help, but he was even more rotten after all these years in Colombia. How a broken guy can help another broken guy? How can he make things better when Steve’s breakdown  takes all the strength from him? That’s why he didn’t want Murphy to became one of Carillo’s trusted men. He didn’t want the remnant of innocence to disappear from Steve’s eyes and  the frivolity of his smile fade away. These were things that made him feel like there is a hope for them and that damned country. Only this could make him feel safe and calm. Not gun, not bulletproof vest, not military cordon. Only Murphy’s gaze and smile but now the man was crying with a bottle of whiskey in front of him.

‘He will talk to Connie tomorrow’ he thought, still holding the handle and hiding himself in the shadow of the door ‘She will cheer him up’. It was great to have a loved one who can hear your concerns and is with you no matter what. Problem is, Connie wasn’t here, but in Miami, and she was getting more and more strange to her husband. Peña often repeated to himself that her and Steve are perfect loving couple and nothing can part them, to stop the weird thoughts wandering through his mind in lonely nights when a random prostitute couldn’t make his bed feel warmer, but he knew the truth.  They weren’t close as earlier and rarely contacted. Steve probably called her now because he was used to doing this when he felt bad, he was drunk and the phone stood on the desk right in front of him. She couldn’t understand this nightmare anyway, now when she was far away and it got worse than before she left for Miami. They repeated they love each other and can’t wait to meet but this relationship was coming to the end and both of them, and also Peña unfortunately, knew this. It was just matter of time and Steve’s traumas.

‘You can come in’ Murphy’s voice was muffled. He tried to hide his emotions, even if he knew that Javier saw everything. ‘Trying to be manly, as always’, Peña snorted in his thoughts.

Javier stepped slowly into the office lit only by the orange light of desk lamp, one hand in the back pocket of outworn jeans, head slightly down, but eyes fixed on his partner. He stood next to the chair where agent was now playing with another glass of whiskey and avoided the other one’s gaze. Peña sighed and patted Steve’s arm, then driven by some crazy impulse, he did something he thought he would never ever do: he shifted hand from Murphy’s arm to his hair, grabbed blonde strands gently and moved American’s head to his own chest. He heard surprised gasp but after few seconds Steve relaxed and took a deep breath.  The scent of cigarettes and sweat mixed with warmth of skin, rough fabric of Javi’s shirt and considerable amount of alcohol made him feel dizzy and awfully sleepy but also safe. He wanted to stay like that forever, yet he wasn’t ready to admit it and show his sensitive side for now.

‘I don’t need a nanny, y’know?’ he mumbled instead in Peña’s chest making him shiver.

‘Yeah? Doesn’t look like that, you fucking drunkard. Come on, we’re going home.’ Denying the roughness of words, his voice was filled with softness and worry. Javier pulled agent’s arm, making him to stand up. Steve was  swaying on his legs and almost fell down, but Peña was fast enough to catch him and guide to the car.

Once they were driving home, Javier felt Murphy’s eyes on him all the time. He tried to ignore that, but he was more and more uncomfortable, like Steve could take a look into his head and see all these weird, unidentified  images of his own lips, eyes and hands on Javi’s  tanned skin.

Javi grunted, squeezing the steering wheel  and glanced quickly at his partner.

‘Something’s wrong?’ he asked breathing out.

Steve only murmured something and pouted his lips, what would be enough to make Javier imagine inappropriate things, if only he looked at the man at this moment.

‘Warm’ he heard few seconds later. ‘You’re so warm’

Something in Javier’s stomach clenched, as he heard this words. His mind was racing to find a response that wouldn’t be loaded with thousands of emotions overfilling his heart. Finally he laughed nervously and answered.

‘Yeah, that’s the idea. Alive people be like that.’

‘Fucking funny. You know that’s not what I mean.’

Suddenly Steve looked completely sober, his sky- blue eyes were clear, fixed on Peña, who made a mistake and turned to look at the agent. If he didn’t do so, he wouldn’t be left breathless, drowning in drilling gaze, in which he saw maybe more things he wanted to see, than there actually were. Irritated  with his own vulnerability and far too big imaginary, he only sighed thoughtfully and turned back to the road.

They got off the car remaining silent, but both of them could feel slight awkwardness and sparks radiating between their tired bodies. Steve was now more steady on legs, it seemed that he have really sobered a little- it wasn’t weird, he was drowning his liver in alcohol for years now so it was hard to get him truly screwed. Despite that, Peña decided to escort man to the apartment, just to make sure poor _gringo_ won’t fall of the stairs. He was already turning away from view of Steve taking his shoes off when deep voice stopped him halfway.

‘Why won’t you come in?’ DEA agent was standing barefoot in the doorway, leaning on the door frame, arms crossed.  He blinked and Peña saw moonlight reflecting in his eyes, shadow of long eyelashes stroking unshaved cheeks. Again, Javier was mesmerized, imprisoned by the image and completely motionless. He cleared his unexpectedly dry throat.

‘It’s too late. You’re already tipsy and we have to be in the office in the morning, so I don’t want to drink’

‘Who said I want to drink. Come, stay with me. Why be alone when we can spend this time together. Unless, you have a pretty girl down here.’ Murphy raised his eyebrow playfully, but his eyes stayed still or maybe became somewhat gloomy, Peña couldn’t tell.

‘No, I don’t’ he answered, unsure what to do. He wanted, oh God how much did he wanted to stay with Steve but he knew too well it’s bad idea. The man was acting too friendly tonight, too friendly for Peña’s sanity, affecting his common sense. He could do anything seeing this pretty face, anything he would have regretted seconds after when, he was sure of it, Murphy would punch him and throw out of the window.

‘So come. My couch is really comfortable’ Steve whispered , grabbing Javier’s arm and dragging him inside.

‘You don’t give me much of a choice’ said Peña . His voice was hoarse with tone of panic. He felt like that, scared but driven by lack of control over situation, only while lurking around the corner of building, with loaded gun,  knowing that once he will show up, a series of bullets will be waiting for him. But of course, the blond has to make him feel like that too. Javi should be aware of this by now. He had the feeling when they first met: the burning need to be near Steve all the time mixed with anxiety of being too close, urge to cut him off before something unpredictable will happen. The presence of Connie was good protection from his stupidity but now, he couldn’t trust himself.

Regardless of it, he followed Murphy to the living room and sat on the couch obediently, deciding it’s better not to ponder about the whole situation, going with the flow instead. Maybe not the best idea, but well, he wasn’t going to think more after long day of work. And, he must admit, Steve’s behavior gave him a ray of absurd hope that there’s a chance for them to be a thing. Not enough to make a move by himself, though. The reluctance to get a bruise and lose a friend was still bigger than foolish dreams.

Steve brought two bottles of cold water and sat next to Javier so their knees were slightly touching. He slowly opened the bottle, leaned his head back and started to drink, gulping loudly. Peña fixed his eyes on TV’s black screen- he knew that if he glanced now at the other man he would be doomed. He saw it too many times- strained throat, drops of sweat gathering beneath bulging Adam's apple, slow movements of gullet, half-closed eyes full of satisfaction when Steve could rest after chasing _sicarios_ and finally cool himself off. How much energy it costed Peña every day to not lick this neck like a beast, bite it and kiss it, leave marks and whisper love confessions tickling fragile skin. The thought alone made him feel hot.

Finally, Steve put empty bottle on the table and turned to Javi, smiling widely.

‘I’m almost sober now.’

‘Won’t you tell me why you drank so much in the first place?’ Peña’s face was serious as he  recalled the memory of agent sobbing to the phone. Steve was strong, so it must have been something terrible and Javi wanted to know.

‘Let’s say Carrillo is fucking insane and I understand why you were so stirred the last time’ he said curling the corner of his mouth and rolling his eyes. ‘I don’t want to talk about it, to be honest.’

‘Okay, I get it. What do you need me for then?’ Peña was suspicious. He hoped that Murphy haven’t gone crazy after whatever it was what he saw, but he acted exceptionally unlike himself today. Here, in Colombia, everything could be possible.

‘I want to be with you. You make me calm.’ Steve answered simply, with so much sincerity that Javi’s heart squeezed.

‘You called Connie today’, he stated, oblivious at burning in his chest.

Murphy shrugged.

‘Yeah, I did. Didn’t help a lot. But it’s better she’s not here. At least her and Olivia are safe’.

‘Of course. Here, you have me’ Peña forced himself to smile roguishly to loosen the atmosphere. ‘And you don’t need to worry about me. Y’know, ready to die’

The effect was quite different from what he has intended. Murphy’s face darkened as he looked at Peña completely serious with angry spark in the eyes.

‘Don’t fucking say that’ he drawled, getting closer. ‘Don’t-‘

Peña was so shocked by the reaction that he couldn’t come up with proper words. Before he even opened his mouth, Steve kneeled on the couch, made him to turn, so they would sit face-to- face and put his hands on Javier’s shoulders. The street light coming through gaps in the window blinds made his face illegible and mysterious so Peña had no faintest idea what could happen in the next few seconds.

‘I need you to understand something.” His growl cut the silence, making overpowered Javi feel shivers in his spine. Blue eyes were still, shining and speaking emotions that Peña wasn’t able to comprehend now, too afraid that his own gaze or body  may betray him. ‘Just don’t fucking freak out, okay?’

‘Sure’. Javier’s mouth was dry and his hands were shaking a little. Something was coming, he knew.

Oh, and it came. It came like a tsunami, like an eruption of volcano, heat spilling over body like lava when parched lips touched another parched lips. Javier forgot how to breath overwhelmed by the sensation, but he was reminded quickly when Steve run his hot tongue over pink skin demanding entrance. Peña parted his mouth, letting the man in and joining lustful dance. Soon, he found himself on Murphy's lap with hand entwined in blond hair, gasping loudly as the other one bit his bottom lip and ran his palms on Javi's sides. Steve was becoming more delicate now, he slowed the kiss with soft moan, then stopped, hugging Peña, stroking his waist, their foreheads touching. He looked calmly at flushed partner and smiled warmly. Javi caressed his rough cheek.

'I wanted to do this for so long' he whispered, what seemed to be too loud now, like it could wake him up from perfection of this moment, only to remind him that it's impossible, that outside of the building are murders and terrorists and there's no place for love and serenity.

'I know, baby, I saw this' confessed Steve, embracing Peña’s face and kissing him softly, taking all the tension away from the man so finally he could forget his concerns and understand that world outside has no matter when they are here, together.

'Oh, don't call me that, you bastard' snorted Peña , trying to hide content smile, letting himself to feel freely for once, ignoring all his fears, like there's no war waiting for them.

'I see you like it. Baby.' repeated Murphy, smirking with satisfaction.

'You're still drunk. You probably won't remember any of that tomorrow and I won't have the guts to remind you' he whined.

'Coward. And more, stupid coward. How could I not remember this? And I'm not so drunk, just enough to get braver and kiss you.'

'Bullshit. You drank because of what you saw today. But I know you won't tell me anyway.'

'True. So what now?' asked Steve.

'Take me to bed. You have no idea how exhausting you are. I'm deadly tired.’

'Oh, you have no idea how exhausting I can be. I can show you, though. In bed, indeed.’ still nestled in other agent’s chest,  Murphy patted Javi's ass.

Javier grinned into darkness, heart beating faster, then nuzzled his nose in Steve’s hair. He answered quietly, warming man’s scalp with breath.

'Are you kidding? On the first date? Only cuddling, you stupid hunk.'

In the end, here in Colombia, everything is possible, he thought.  Even some tenderness in the middle of hell. Even him, finding a place for himself, after long years of coolness and impassivity. Finally, he belonged to someone. He found a reason to fight and it wasn’t desire to see some people dead. Now he knew, he knew that there’s a meaning in coming back home.


End file.
